What a season it has been. 9 months ago, I could not even begin to imagine the twist and turns that COVID-19 has brought. Quarantining and being in isolation at the beginning of the pandemic, facing baseless charges from previous landlords, losing my main full-time job and potentially my career, having a deeply valued mentor diagnosed with aggressive brain cancer...to say this year has been the hardest year of my life would be an understatement. And this is on top of a struggling economy, friends that are hurting, a country grappling with racial injustice, and the roller coaster of an election cycle that has brought out the worst in us. Many days it has left me completely overwhelmed. How can one handle so much in one year?
There were many days where I struggled to respond well. I chose to pour all my effort and energy into trying to help others because I could not fix anything going on in my life. I applied to countless jobs with little to no response. I watched countless hours of movies and TV shows, and I ate a lot of ice cream. I knew the biblical truths that God loves us dearly, that He provides for His children, and that He takes care of us. However there were so many days that I struggled to believe it, and instead turned to friends, hope of a job, and entertainment to try and fill the God-shaped hole in my soul. I felt like most of the days I spent with the Lord were spent either pleading with Him to fix what was going on, or wrestling through trusting Him. I was worn.
These last few weeks have been a slow turning point. I started spending more time in the Word, slowly started reading a few weeks, and wrestling through hard but helpful conversations with co-workers and friends. In one night I read through the book of Lamentations because during the last few weeks, one passage of scripture continued to come to mind.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
The Lord reminded me of His goodness. He reminded me that even in the darkest of situations He will not abandon us. He remained me that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31). In the last 9 months, God has provided for a place to live, a part time job with an income large enough to make ends meet, He saved a friend through my feeble attempts to share the Gospel, and He has provided a community that cares deeply for me and each other.
As I read and reflected through Lamentations, God showed me that often in the midst of hardship, we don't see that He is working. We become fixated on our problems that we can slowly begin to lose hope. But the beginning of verse 21 begins with the author recalling a memory of the Lord's faithfulness, and through that it has reminded me of the Lord's goodness even now. And thus I am reminded to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord, for He is a God who cares, who has worked, and who continues to work in the lives of His children. So in the midst of this valley of the shadow, I will wait quietly for my God, trust in the promises that He is with me, that He continues to save me, and continues to provide.
