The One Who Waits Quietly

What a season it has been. 9 months ago, I could not even begin to imagine the twist and turns that COVID-19 has brought. Quarantining and being in isolation at the beginning of the pandemic, facing baseless charges from previous landlords, losing my main full-time job and potentially my career, having a deeply valued mentor diagnosed with aggressive brain cancer...to say this year has been the hardest year of my life would be an understatement. And this is on top of a struggling economy, friends that are hurting, a country grappling with racial injustice, and the roller coaster of an election cycle that has brought out the worst in us. Many days it has left me completely overwhelmed. How can one handle so much in one year?

There were many days where I struggled to respond well. I chose to pour all my effort and energy into trying to help others because I could not fix anything going on in my life. I applied to countless jobs with little to no response. I watched countless hours of movies and TV shows, and I ate a lot of ice cream. I knew the biblical truths that God loves us dearly, that He provides for His children, and that He takes care of us. However there were so many days that I struggled to believe it, and instead turned to friends, hope of a job, and entertainment to try and fill the God-shaped hole in my soul. I felt like most of the days I spent with the Lord were spent either pleading with Him to fix what was going on, or wrestling through trusting Him. I was worn.

These last few weeks have been a slow turning point. I started spending more time in the Word, slowly started reading a few weeks, and wrestling through hard but helpful conversations with co-workers and friends. In one night I read through the book of Lamentations because during the last few weeks, one passage of scripture continued to come to mind.

For this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

-Lamentations 3:21-26

The Lord reminded me of His goodness. He reminded me that even in the darkest of situations He will not abandon us. He remained me that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31). In the last 9 months, God has provided for a place to live, a part time job with an income large enough to make ends meet, He saved a friend through my feeble attempts to share the Gospel, and He has provided a community that cares deeply for me and each other. 

As I read and reflected through Lamentations, God showed me that often in the midst of hardship, we don't see that He is working. We become fixated on our problems that we can slowly begin to lose hope. But the beginning of verse 21 begins with the author recalling a memory of the Lord's faithfulness, and through that it has reminded me of the Lord's goodness even now. And thus I am reminded to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord, for He is a God who cares, who has worked, and who continues to work in the lives of His children. So in the midst of this valley of the shadow, I will wait quietly for my God, trust in the promises that He is with me, that He continues to save me, and continues to provide.  

Yehovah Shalom

Over the course of this week, I have witnessed the depths of human depravity in a multitude of ways. There are many obvious stories: the absolute hatred in political discussions on social media, the ugliness of war torn areas, the excuse to shun other races and cultures in the midst of the coronavirus. However, these are not the stories that stand out to me this week. The stories that I continue to dwell on are the stories exposing the depth of sin in the lives of friends.

This week I've heard several challenging stories. Stories from my small group where people continue to wrestle with sins and trials from their past. A night with college students hearing how sexual sin has left deep scars, and continues to challenge them today. Eating ice cream with a friend had listening how his sin has left him struggling to find hope. It leaves me feeling anguish all the while being reminded of the depravity within my own life. Being the optimist, I like to see the good in people. With weeks like this, the verses of old ring loud and clear, "No one is good, no, not one....for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Desperately sick feels like an understatement. Listening to the stories of the past evils in my friends lives, dwelling on the hardness of my own heart, I'm left lost in a sea of hopelessness.

However a gentle voice calls out to me like a light in the darkness, reminding me, "God demonstrates his love towards us in this, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And I am reminded of the beauty of the Gospel. For while I spent my night listening to the guys in my small group, the truths of the gospel ring forth, "for he does not deal with us according to our sin nor repay us according to our iniquities." As I sit and talk with the college guys, God repeats his truth in my mind, "he will again have compassion on us, he will tread our iniquities underfoot. He will cast our sins into the depths of the sea." Despite the way these stories began, they are filled with hope for as these guys discuss the depravities of their past, it is not the end of the story. "for you who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he (Christ) has now reconciled in his body by his flesh in order to present you as holy and blameless and above reproach." The stories of how evil was overcome in the lives of others, leaves me saying "Yehovah Shalom", the Lord is my peace.

Surrounded

As I sit in a coffee shop reflecting on the beginning of this year so far, I continue to be reminded of the impact of good friends. In just the short month and a half that this year as been thus far, I've been incredibly thankful for the ways in which friends have encouraged me. There have been moments that have brought great joy and encouragement. Moments like sitting in front of a campfire having deep conversations, worship the Lord, and teaching a friend how to make a fire. Hanging out with folks at Chick-fil-A making plans for the semester and enjoying the Lord's chicken. Taking a couple of international graduate students to Cookout and developing some hilarious inside jokes along the way. It makes me incredibly thankful to be surrounded by good friends.

• I'm thankful to God for friends that are brothers and sisters to me. For we see as early as Genesis 1 that man was created for community. For if God has community within himself through the Trinity, and if we are made in his image, in his likeness, then we too were created for community, both with him and our fellow image bearers. 
• I'm thankful for friends that help me when life is tough. For we see in Ecclesiastes that "two are better than one... For if one falls down another is there to lift him up". Folks that come alongside me in the midst of life's challenges and help to bear my burdens (Galatians 6:2) are truly blessings from the Lord. 
• I'm thankful for moments with friends that bring joy to my heart. Moments like last night enjoying tacos and games with a group of good friends. Those times always include good laughs and inevitable inside jokes. Because stuff like George Bush on a tiny horse is sure to have a funny backstory. 
• I'm thankful for the friends who make me a better man. For as Proverbs points out that "as iron sharpens iron, so does a man sharpen another." For the people that sharpen me, make me a better man, and challenge me to pursue God well, work hard at my job, and see to make the gospel known, I'm incredibly thankful. 

Good, close friends leave us with much to be thankful for. I could certainly create a much longer list than those above, but I think I have demonstrated my point. C.S. Lewis points out that friendship is one of those things that brings value to survival. Being surrounded by godly friends reminds me of that truth often. 

In The Valley

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4

Psalm 23 is easily one of the most quoted sections from the Bible. I would argue it's in the top three along with John 3:16, and the first chapter of Genesis. It's incredibly well known in our culture even known among people who aren't Christians. It is also a beautiful passage in the Bible (probably one of the reasons it is so familiar). That is also a significant amount of theological truths through the six verses that comprise the Psalm. While some of the meaning and imagery found in verse two can be easily misunderstood in western culture (that's an interesting discussion for another time), it is verse four that seems to stick out to people the most from the Psalm. When we look at the condition of our world, it is not surprising. 

If we're so audacious to say something other than "good" when someone ask how we are doing, we often will respond by saying tired and/or busy. If we explore even further, we will see on social media, in conversations with friends, the news, etc. that many of us are struggling. We're facing hardships of various kinds: financial, relational, mental, emotional. It can be challenging and difficult to walk through. Sin has corrupted and destroyed so many aspects to our world. The valleys in our lives can be daunting. Sometimes we feel like we are walking through impossible situations. Our bills pile up, loved ones or we become sick, we are hurt by others. These are often times the realities of our lives whether or not we openly admit to them.

However as David is writing this Psalm, he knows than even as he goes through the hardest challenges of life (several points in David's life people were actively trying to kill him), he is not afraid, for the Lord is with him. The Lord's rod and staff comfort him. Out of context, rod and staff seem to be a weird thing for David to write, however if we continue with the imagery within the Psalm, David is describing us as sheep, and the Lord being the good shepherd. Shepherds carried rods and staff to guide the sheep, as well as to protect them from predators. David is saying that even through the most challenging valleys in life, the Lord is protecting and guiding him through it. The same is true for us. In the midst of the valleys we go through, the Lord continues to work. He continues to guide and protect us. There will be many times where we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, we don't know what is over the next ridge, however God does. He promises to provide for our needs, even if we don't recognize we need them in the moment. He promises to provide us peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4). There is no situation that we will walk through that the Lord is unable to handle.

May we find hope through the valleys, for we know that "the testing of our faith produces endurance,  endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope" (Romans 5:3-4). 

Student Ministry

There's a wide range of areas where people serve at my church. Greeters, the first time guest tent, parking, etc. There are those that lead small groups, do counseling, and mobilize people to go on mission trips domestically and abroad. If you jump over to the Annex though, you'll find one of the more unique, and sometimes challenging ministries: students. Student ministry is challenging, rewarding, confusing, and incredible all at once. I've been working with students for the past 6 years, and I never cease to be amazed at how God works in people's lives and how little I will ever know about pop culture.

There are certainly unique challenges to doing discipleship with high school students. You're not generally going to convince teenagers to get up even earlier to do a bible study before school. They don't have the flexibility in their schedule like college students. Many times, outside of small group, it looks like lunch after church, Cookout on a Friday night, or playing video games online (they get really hype when I do well because I'm mediocre at best). Of course many of them cannot drive yet either.  In addition to logistical challenges, there's just the challenge of doing discipleship with students. They're young believers if believers at all. They don't always get the value and joy of knowing the Father. Peer pressure seems a lot more overwhelming to many of them than to adults. High school drama is well...high school drama. Sometimes students come from incredibly challenging home lives. Divorces, emotional distant parents, rebellious siblings, and even situations much more hard than those. With a larger student ministry, I've seen a lot of it. Every time I think I've seen it all, I'm proven wrong. It can be draining balancing all of it.

However, despite the challenges, I've witnessed the Lord do some incredible things. Ephesians 3:20 tells us that God is able to do far more than all we could ask or think. That absolutely summarizes what I've seen. I've seen God grow young guys into men who desire to put God above all. I've seen students learn to value the word of God and place their hope in Him. I have seen God redeem impossible situations and bring peace into some of the most difficult circumstances. The more I serve with high school students, the more I learn to never doubt what the Lord is capable of doing in the lives of others. It makes some of the challenges absolutely worth it.

From Vanity to Sweetness

There is an old hymn that I enjoy listening to. At the beginning of the hymn it goes, "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Just to take him at his word. Just to rest upon his promise. Just to know 'thus saith the Lord.'" It is a beautifully written verse of the song, however I have been considering those words. Do I believe them? Do I take Jesus at his word? Do I truly find rest in the promises of God? Do I actually find peace in knowing him? One would think that the answer as a seminary student would be obvious. One would think that because I have "tasted and seen that the Lord is good" that I would "find my refuge in him" (cf. Psalm 34:8). However I'm left asking the question, "why are you cast down oh my soul?" (Psalm 42:11).

As I pondered this paradox, it did not take long to discover the answer. It was rooted in the depths of my own depravity. I wasn't finding rest because I was looking in all the wrong places. I wasn't taking Jesus at his word because I thought I could figure it out myself. I spent more time debating the intricacies of theological dogma than "being still and knowing the Lord is God" (Psalm 46:10). It has left me exhausted, and the reasons continued to mount. My job began to control so much of my joy and satisfaction. When things started going sideways I began desperately trying to control a situation I had little control over, and my joy withered like the seed planted among the rocks (Matthew 13:5-6). I placed too much emphasis on my community. My friends became the things that kept me going. However that too did not fulfill. For either the busyness of life caused fellowships to be scarce, or friends walked away leaving me questioning my worth. My knowledge became a source of pride, and I sought after wisdom and theology thinking it would solve my problems. This too was vanity. I seemed to be living out my own version of Ecclesiastes 2. "What has a man from all the toil and striving of heart with which he toils beneath the sun? For all his days are full of sorrow, and is work is a vexation. Even in the night his heart does not rest. This also is vanity" (Ecc. 2:22-23). How could I know biblical truths and yet still be empty. For the Lord promises to provide rest (Matthew 11:28), but I was still tired. He promises to provide us peace (Philippians 4:7), yet I was still anxious. He works for good for those who are called accord to his purpose (Romans 8:28), yet life seemed to be going sideways. He satisfies us with good (Psalm 103:5) yet I was unfulfilled. I was left asking the question "God, my rock: why have you forgotten me?" (Psalm 42:9).

In the midst of all of it, the Lord asked me: "Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live" (Isaiah 55:2-3). The Lord reminded me that the reason I asked "why are you cast down oh my soul" was because my depravity brought it there. I was building cisterns that would hold no water thinking they would satisfy (Jeremiah 2:13). My life was a dry and weary land where there was no water (Psalm 63). I had reject the spring of living water (also Jeremiah 2:13).

So I became still before the Lord, and inclined my ear to hear. "Blessed the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me" (Psalm 103:1) was what I heard and I became confused for that was not the prayer of my heart. However the Lord did not stop there. "Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not his benefits, who forgives all you iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit." The Lord reminded me that He does not deal with me according to my sin (Psalm 103:10), that he offers me satisfying food that I cannot afford (Isaiah 55:1-2), and he redeems my life from the pit. H reminded me that when I confess my sin, he is faithful and justice to forgive my sin (1 John 1:9). He reminded me that when I stop relying on myself/job/people/etc. and draw near to him, that he will draw near to me (James 4:8). Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear for you are with me (Psalm 23:4). In the midst of my stillness before the Lord, he restored to me the joy of his salvation (Psalm 51:12). He brought the peace which surpasses all understanding to my heart (Philippians 4:7). He satisfied me with good (Psalm 103:5).

It was in those moments that I once again understood what the author of that old hymn meant when he said "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Just to take him at his word. Just to rest upon his promise. Just to know 'thus saith the Lord'". For he took my vanity and replaced it with sweetness. Psalm 42:11, the one that says "why are you cast down oh my soul" has a second half: "Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." So I did, and he allowed me to truly say "Taste and see that the Lord is good."

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus

Just from sin and self to cease

Just from Jesus simply taking

Life and rest, and joy and peace

Is Being an American More Important Than Being Christian?

"One nation under God"

It's a phrase that is so often used in our society, and more often that not, it is used in a setting that is controversial. School prayer, "Christian country", conservative politics, etc. It is a phrase that is loved by conservative christians. It seems as if in order to be a good christian in the U.S. you must be "proud to be an American", a phrase that equates in todays political climate to someone who is a patriotic, conservative American. There is a sense that the typical American christian values their americanism to the same degree (if not more) as their christianity. Do we realize how that line of thinking does not align with the biblical narrative at all?

In Paul's letter to the church in Philippi, he list of his "resume" of why he could have confidence in the flesh, aka following the Jewish law. He discusses how he is a "Hebrew of Hebrews". In the very next sentence, Paul states, "but everything that was a gain to me, I have considered to be a loss because of Christ" (Phil 3:7 CSB).  Among that included Paul saying that his identity as a Jew was counted as loss compared to knowing Christ. Paul was more than willing to lay aside his identity as a Hebrew in order to pick up his identity as a Christian. To Paul, knowing Christ was infinitely more valuable than his identity as a Hebrew. 

What would it look like if christians living in the United States believed the same thing? At the moment, being an American is at least of equal value as being a christian in the American christian culture. We'll say we count everything as loss...unless it is being an American or if it means I have to give up my comfort or my opinions. We have attached our political and cultural beliefs to our Christianity. We have made them one and the same, rather than counting everything as loss for the sake of knowing Christ. 

Many Christians in the U.S. are the largest stumbling block to others coming to Christ because we simply do not live out the Gospel, and care more about politics and "rights" than we do Jesus. Christ simply becomes part of their identity as Americans rather than their entire identity. When we legislate morality, we're trying to change people while simultaneously forgetting that we can't change people, only God can. We are quick to tear people down because they protest or hold a belief different from ours because it doesn't fit in to our view of "America". But do we even once think what the word of God commands of us (in its appropriate context).

If we began to truly pursue God, study our bibles/sound doctrine, and identify as Christians first and foremost, would we be so quick to judge and tear down. Would we be so quick to insult people because of their belief or demonize people in the public eye (both politically and culturally) because of their positions or view points? Would we be so quick to legislate morality? Would we be so hesitant to take the Gospel to the nations?

or...

Would you see a church that cares more about following Jesus and making the gospel known? Would you see a church that is willing to sit, listen, and try to understand what people are going through? Would you see people willing to move to other countries so that the Gospel is proclaimed because their no longer overly attached to "America"?

Are christians in America truly willing to count everything as loss for the sake of knowing Christ?