As I pondered this paradox, it did not take long to discover the answer. It was rooted in the depths of my own depravity. I wasn't finding rest because I was looking in all the wrong places. I wasn't taking Jesus at his word because I thought I could figure it out myself. I spent more time debating the intricacies of theological dogma than "being still and knowing the Lord is God" (Psalm 46:10). It has left me exhausted, and the reasons continued to mount. My job began to control so much of my joy and satisfaction. When things started going sideways I began desperately trying to control a situation I had little control over, and my joy withered like the seed planted among the rocks (Matthew 13:5-6). I placed too much emphasis on my community. My friends became the things that kept me going. However that too did not fulfill. For either the busyness of life caused fellowships to be scarce, or friends walked away leaving me questioning my worth. My knowledge became a source of pride, and I sought after wisdom and theology thinking it would solve my problems. This too was vanity. I seemed to be living out my own version of Ecclesiastes 2. "What has a man from all the toil and striving of heart with which he toils beneath the sun? For all his days are full of sorrow, and is work is a vexation. Even in the night his heart does not rest. This also is vanity" (Ecc. 2:22-23). How could I know biblical truths and yet still be empty. For the Lord promises to provide rest (Matthew 11:28), but I was still tired. He promises to provide us peace (Philippians 4:7), yet I was still anxious. He works for good for those who are called accord to his purpose (Romans 8:28), yet life seemed to be going sideways. He satisfies us with good (Psalm 103:5) yet I was unfulfilled. I was left asking the question "God, my rock: why have you forgotten me?" (Psalm 42:9).
In the midst of all of it, the Lord asked me: "Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live" (Isaiah 55:2-3). The Lord reminded me that the reason I asked "why are you cast down oh my soul" was because my depravity brought it there. I was building cisterns that would hold no water thinking they would satisfy (Jeremiah 2:13). My life was a dry and weary land where there was no water (Psalm 63). I had reject the spring of living water (also Jeremiah 2:13).
So I became still before the Lord, and inclined my ear to hear. "Blessed the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me" (Psalm 103:1) was what I heard and I became confused for that was not the prayer of my heart. However the Lord did not stop there. "Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not his benefits, who forgives all you iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit." The Lord reminded me that He does not deal with me according to my sin (Psalm 103:10), that he offers me satisfying food that I cannot afford (Isaiah 55:1-2), and he redeems my life from the pit. H reminded me that when I confess my sin, he is faithful and justice to forgive my sin (1 John 1:9). He reminded me that when I stop relying on myself/job/people/etc. and draw near to him, that he will draw near to me (James 4:8). Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear for you are with me (Psalm 23:4). In the midst of my stillness before the Lord, he restored to me the joy of his salvation (Psalm 51:12). He brought the peace which surpasses all understanding to my heart (Philippians 4:7). He satisfied me with good (Psalm 103:5).
It was in those moments that I once again understood what the author of that old hymn meant when he said "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Just to take him at his word. Just to rest upon his promise. Just to know 'thus saith the Lord'". For he took my vanity and replaced it with sweetness. Psalm 42:11, the one that says "why are you cast down oh my soul" has a second half: "Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." So I did, and he allowed me to truly say "Taste and see that the Lord is good."
In the midst of all of it, the Lord asked me: "Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live" (Isaiah 55:2-3). The Lord reminded me that the reason I asked "why are you cast down oh my soul" was because my depravity brought it there. I was building cisterns that would hold no water thinking they would satisfy (Jeremiah 2:13). My life was a dry and weary land where there was no water (Psalm 63). I had reject the spring of living water (also Jeremiah 2:13).
So I became still before the Lord, and inclined my ear to hear. "Blessed the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me" (Psalm 103:1) was what I heard and I became confused for that was not the prayer of my heart. However the Lord did not stop there. "Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not his benefits, who forgives all you iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit." The Lord reminded me that He does not deal with me according to my sin (Psalm 103:10), that he offers me satisfying food that I cannot afford (Isaiah 55:1-2), and he redeems my life from the pit. H reminded me that when I confess my sin, he is faithful and justice to forgive my sin (1 John 1:9). He reminded me that when I stop relying on myself/job/people/etc. and draw near to him, that he will draw near to me (James 4:8). Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear for you are with me (Psalm 23:4). In the midst of my stillness before the Lord, he restored to me the joy of his salvation (Psalm 51:12). He brought the peace which surpasses all understanding to my heart (Philippians 4:7). He satisfied me with good (Psalm 103:5).
It was in those moments that I once again understood what the author of that old hymn meant when he said "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Just to take him at his word. Just to rest upon his promise. Just to know 'thus saith the Lord'". For he took my vanity and replaced it with sweetness. Psalm 42:11, the one that says "why are you cast down oh my soul" has a second half: "Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." So I did, and he allowed me to truly say "Taste and see that the Lord is good."
Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus
Just from sin and self to cease
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace
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